A few weeks ago, I came back to Tuscaloosa for an incredibly special event: my wisdom teeth removal. Honestly, I have been worried about that particular date in my calendar since I planned to have them removed, which was the day after my birthday. Some present, right? Well, my sister traveled up to ole T-Town so she could go with me when I had them removed and take care of me afterwards - isn't she a sweetie? Don't let her fool you, though...she sent me on a whirlwind the whole time. Truthfully, I don't quite think she knew what she was getting herself into.
On the morning of the big show, my sister woke me up at the butt-crack of dawn.
"Let's go, Haley. You have to be at the doctors office at 7:45...its already 6:40."
After a few minutes, I began to remember where I was. Then glancing at the clock, I put my blanket over my face before saying, "Alysson...what the messticles. I am not putting on any makeup. My hair is already braided out of my face. I laid my t-shirt, sweats, tennis shoes, AND my lucky undies out last night. Oh...AND I'M NOT EATING BREAKFAST! Why in the world are you waking me up an HOUR early!?"
(As you can probably tell, I absolutely love the mornings...just simply love them.)
"Oh, well, I have to eat breakfast, so I figured you wanted to sit downstairs with me and watch me while I did that. Plus...it's gonna take you the rest of the hour to swallow that small pill for your face, so I figured we better get a move on."
"HA - actually, the jokes on you because I wasn't going to swallow that pill, anyways. My happy tail has been chewing them every. single. time. Oh, and why in the world would I want to WATCH you eat breakfast when I can't eat anything...that's just plain mean."
"Haley...chewing your pills? That is really disgusting; you really..."
Before she could finish her sentence, my phone lit up, distracting us both from our conversation. This is just a reminder...it was around 6:50 in the morning, which means everyone in the world is asleep except for me, my sister, my aunt and uncle who were both downstairs, and the hooligan who was calling me. I quickly looked down at my phone and the biggest smile came across my face.
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| By the way...I love taking pictures of people asleep. It's an added bonus if you're asleep huging my body pillow, Ethan. :) |
Answering the phone, I screamed, "HEY ADAM!" I quickly remembered our conversation from the night before. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh crap, I am so sorry! I just remembered that you told me last night how you wanted to leave me a voicemail for me to listen to later. CRAP - I ruined it...I am..."
"Haley...ahaha! It's okay, I'd much rather talk to you, anyways."
"Are you sure? I can just hang..."
"Haley...how are you feeling?"
"Hmmm...I am good, well, I am super duper nervous. I've never done anything like this before. Adam, what if I am like that guy off of the movie Awake? They didn't give him enough sleepy meds, so he felt and heard everything around him..."
"Hahaha, Haley...it's all going to be okay, Besides, you're not Hayden Christensen, so you don't have to worry about being that guy off of that movie, right? That actually would be weird for the both of us if you were. But I have had two surgeries, and look at me- I came out just fine. Anyways, I don't want to keep you...I just wanted to hear your voice before you went under. Stay relaxed and calm, and just pretend I am right there with you. I am thinking about you...forever and always."
"Awwww, Adam! You are going to make me cry over here...and I can't drink any fluids, so I need to retain all the water I can! You really are the sweetest. Thank you for calling me, though - you always know how to lift my spirits. But, I will talk to you later on. OH YEAH! Have a wonderful day."
After we hung up, I rolled out of bed, 007 style, then put on all my clothes that I had placed on the wooden chair before I had fallen asleep. I quickly did a little body shake to get rid of the nerves, then walked downstairs to chew the only thing I could before going to the oral surgeon - a pill that would reduce the swelling in my cheeks after the surgery was over. My sister, Aunt Patty, and Uncle Jeff were all downstairs and smiling at me when I made it to the last step.
Aunt Patty: "Are you ready, Haley? You look great! I mean it...you really look great!"
Me: "Yes ma'am...I am ready as I'll ever be. Ahaha, and thank you. I worked really hard on my outfit and makeup this morning."
Aunt Patty: "Okay, well, y'all be safe. I will be here when you two get back."
Alysson and I walked to her Prius, and I got in and began pressing my face and hands against the glass as if I was going to be locked in there forever. I began looking around, as if this were the very last time I would ever be able to see the world again. My stomach was filled with butterflies and knots, and my nerves were shaking as if I had just drank a frappiccino from Starbucks. To prevent Alysson from seeing me nervous, I rolled down the window and allowed the air to flow across my wisdom teeth one last time - here is a good mental image for you. :)
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| It was all fun and games until Alysson yanked me back inside the car... I guess she figured out that I was planning on escaping...out of a moving car's window. |
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| You all should definitely know now that I like each and every one of y'all very much. Me putting a picture up without makeup on for the WHOLE world to see doesn't happen much...or ever. This is me in the Pruis, by the way...just riding to my doom. You would think they would give meds for that, too. |
Riding down the road, I looked out the window, admiring the sun, flowers, trees, clouds, and even the not so green grass on the right side of the road.
"So, Alysson...are they gonna put a needle inside of me?"
"Probably so. They have to put you to sleep to do this procedure."
"What!? I really don't like you calling this a "procedure". Can we just call it a shindig...or anything else, please..? Actually, I just really can't do this, Alysson!" At this point, I began unbuckling my seatbelt and rolling down the passenger window. "Can we just go drink some coffee and energy drinks. I am pretty sure that would give the same effect as the crazy-meds they are going to give me to put me to sleep; the only difference being that THERE AREN'T ANY NEEDLES INVOLVED!"
Alysson looked at me and quickly said, "Haley...it is all going to be fine. Try to take a deep breath." I fakely smiled back at her until I suddenly realized exactly where we were. She put the car in park and said, "ready?"
"Ummm...not really...can we drive around or something, pretty pleeease with sugar on top?"
"Actually, that really wasn't meant to be a question. It's already 7:46...so you're late. What I was really saying was...time to get out, because I am about to lock the car door."
"Okay, okay! Don't get your panties in a bundle over there! Wait, did you get my text message from last night?"
"Yes, Haley. You are like a musician; giving me a list of demands before a big event. You are absolutely hilarious, did you know that?"
"Consider it more as "requests", and you are welcome. Give me a brief overview of what I said, because I know exactly how you are, missy..."
"Uh, alrighty. It is going to be really brief because you are L.A.T.E." She pulled her phone out of her purse and began reading my text message. "I have a few requests for tomorrow. Please don't leave me. Take pictures...but make me look cute - I really just don't want to miss out on these memories. Keep Shelby updated - she's like a worried momma...Oh, do the same for Adam - he is like Shelby, minus the momma part. I hope you were just kidding yesterday about making me walk up the stairs to this room by myself...I mean, I accept the challenge, but stay behind me because I really won't need to lose anymore blood. I love you, Alaboo. Thanks for being here to hold my hand."
She smiled at me and I finally got the courage to respond to her first question, "ready..."
We walked inside the doors of the oral surgeons office, and I wondered up to the front desk to fill out the piece of paper stating that I was here and ready for action. My hand was shaking like I was coming down from an AMP high...so my handwriting was messier than usual, which means something to those of you who have seen my John Hancock. I turned around and informed Alysson that she had to sign at the bottom letting them know that she was going to be my caregiver.
"Ha! Alysson, looks like you can't do anything bad to me now...they already know that you are the one who is responsible for me. Actually...let me see that pen again. I am going to put your dang cellphone number, license plate number, social security number, AND your address down, too. You really can't leave me like you said you were going to do, because they have all of your information! The PoPo's gonna find you...." I started to turn to the nurse and let her know how my sister was planning on leaving me here with them, but before I could realize what was happening, Alysson yanked both the piece of paper and pen out of my hands, gave it to the receptionist, then linked her arm with mine and said, "time to go sit down, crazy woman." She was actually patting me on my head, too. I am almost certain that the ladies behind the glass window thought I had rabies or something.
She rolled her eyes at me and we both went to sit down on the only sofa in the room, which was like sitting on a bench from the stone ages - cold and hard. As I looked around, I realized how gloomy it was in the waiting room, which consisted of my sister, me, and another girl who was sitting with her mom (you may want to remember her...she is quite important.). I started telling Alysson where all my things should go if I didn't return. "Oh, and Justin should get that massive picture of me that was in the living room...I know how much he hates it, so I think it would be perfect for him." Before I could figure out who to give my most prized possesion to, which was my Maxi, a nurse quickly came out of the glass door and said "Haley Moody". I looked at Alysson and said, "OH NOW THEY'RE FAST! Geeze...I didn't find a home for Maxi, or Danielle, or my Sims Games...oh my gosh, my Sims games! Whats gonna happen to them, Alysson?" She gave me a stern look then said, "bye Haley!" I slowly stood up and began tip-toeing to the nurse, almost as if I was taking my very last walk on earth. She held open the door for me like we were about to go on our very first date, which in a way, we were. Before walking completely through the door, I looked back at my sister and screamed, "I'll see you on the other side," then blew her a kiss. I gave her a quick, confident smile, because I didn't really want her knowing how scared I was. I felt her smiling (most likely in embarrassment) as the door completely closed back. This was the point of no return.
After walking through two more doors, the lady sat me down in Exam Room 2, and began asking me all sorts of questions. By the way, for a good visual, this lady looked and acted very simlar to Mrs. Sasser, which is a teacher from my high school for those who didn't know, and could probably care less.
"Have you ever been put to sleep before?"
"No ma'am...this would be my first time."
"We have us a first-timer!" She began frantically grabbing sharp objects out of a box, so my eyes quickly darted to the ceiling. "So, what are you doing up here this summer?"
"Yeaaaaaaaah. Umm...I work for the Action Card Office at the university. I am still considering on the whole 'summer class' thing...so who really knows."
She began by checking my blood pressure then asked me if I was allergic to anything, and before I could fully say "no", she had already pulled out a huge needle and started going for my right arm.
"Umm...ma'am? Do you mind if I make a quick suggestion before you shove that right on in my skin."
"Sure thing."
"They have a hard time finding a vein in that arm, and I am pretty scared right now, so it will probably be even harder to find. Is it okay if you try my left arm instead?"
"Yeah, of course. I'm glad you said something. I really wouldn't want to keep sticking you."
"Yeah...the feeling is mutual..."
I watched her re-tied the rubbery thing around my left arm to help the vein pop, then I looked away before she began the stabbing. Holding my breath, I started picturing myself at the beach, frolicing in the ocean. Suddenly, a jellyfish stung my left arm and my mind quickly came back to reality. Once she finished, all I could do was smile because I kept thinking, "that was the worst of it, right? Heck yeah! I JUST SURVIVED AN I.V. I should probably get a t-shirt for that." She quickly wrote something down on the a piece of paper, then hooked me up to some fluids that reminded me of the taste of my breathing treatment I used to take when I had brochitis, and then she said, "Okay. I will be right back and then we can get started." She walked out of the room and those final words kept running through my head..."then we can get started." I kinda mumbled under my breath, "What? But I am still awake!?" After a long pause, I began laughing so loudly that I startled a few nurses who were walking by. I quickly started praying, but with my eyes open because I was concerned that they were gonna think I was asleep and then begin cutting my mouth open. Right after I said, "amen", the official doctor walked in and asked me how I was doing. By that point, I was super tired of all the small talk. He looked at the piece of paper that the other lady had wrote on, then turned and looked at me before saying, "Alright, Miss Haley. I will be right back, then we can get started." After he exited the room, all the smiles had been completely wiped from my face. It was then that I realized that I was officially going to be awake during this "procedure", so I began mentally preparing myself for what was about to happen to me. "Great! Adam jinxed me...I really am like Hayden Christensen... Okay, Haley, you are a strong, independent woman. STRONG AND INDEPENDENT. He was just a man...on a movie. Of course he was going to act like he was in pain - every movie needs a dramatic effect. Besides, women are stronger than man, anyways!" Wshoo. Before I knew it, both the doctor and the Mrs. Sasser look-alike were walking in the door, laughing at something they were just previously discussing. The doctor looked at me and said, "ready?" I gave him an awkward smile, then said, "uhh...yes sir." A third lady joined our little gathering and watched as the Mrs. Sasser look-alike shot some different drugs in my I.V. that made my chest feel like it was caving in. They were all talking and laughing about something, and I just sat there, looking at the ceiling, trying my hardest to fill my lungs with air; I was almost certain that my ribs were breaking. I closed my eyes and sang a song, right after I did a fist-pump in the air while reminding myself, "you are a strong, independent woman....a strong independent woman...".
Most people usually tell me that they can't remember anything after that point. Me? I remember it all.
During my little "knocked out phase" while they were removing my teeth, everything I saw reminded me of a kaleidoscope from the 70s. The weird part about this was not the fact that I was stuck in a kaleidoscope, but the fact that I could hear everything the doctor and the two nurses were talking about, but I just didn't too much care. They were talking about divorces, mostly within celebrities. I don't know about all of y'all, but I have no idea what celebrity divores has to do with my mouth? I mean, I do have this one particular tooth that looks like J-Lo's butt...bahaha, just kidding. Anyways, as soon as he finished playing around with my teeth, I vaguely remember a lady helping me up out of the operating chair, and walking me over to a recliner. As soon as I sat down, this tall, dark-headed fella came over and started jamming gauze in the back of my mouth. I slowly stummered, "thanksfhdka youdfjks," and smiled while he walked away. Drifting in and out, I could hear another girl, but for some reason, she was bawling her eyes out. Glancing over, I found out it was the same girl who was sitting in the waiting room with her mother earlier (See, I told you she was important). The same tall, dark fella was drying her tears while saying, "it's okay. Sometimes the anestheisa makes people cry. You are going to be fine." I remember smiling while thinking, "Psshhh. I bet he thinks I am freaking wonder woman over here...NOTHING CAN BRING ME DOWN!" As soon as those words travelled through my head, a nasty taste began to form in the back of my mouth. I held on tight to the two arms of the chair and kept telling myself, "there is no way that I am about to throw up in this office, absolutely no way." Every single time a nurse walked by my chair, I would reach out to grab them, but they were always farther away than what I expected - atleast four or five had walked by, and none stopped to aknowledge me. Finally, Mr. Tall and Dark stopped and said, "how are you feeling." I tried to mumble that I felt like I was going to puke, but it came out as, "Isfa Thiskfahsk Thakfasdjl;a Imk Goinjasa Beajshae Sicdjaskldfk..." He cocked his head to the side and said, "I'm sorry, what?" I quickly lifted my hand infront of my mouth to make a vomiting gesture, and he quickly got the jist. He quickly said, "don't do that," then power walked it to the back room with all of the supplies and came back holding a plastic bag and a cold, wet rag. After giving me the bag at the perfect time, he leaned me forward and placed the rag on my neck while watching me suffer. "I bet you feel better now, don't you? It must've been all that gauze I shoved in the back of your mouth." I gave him a big ole smile and mumbled, "uh huh, thank you for that..." I laid back and closed my eyes.
***I really don't know how long I was asleep...but just know that it was wonderful.***
"Miss Haley, do you think you're ready to go home."
After opening my eyes and remembering my whereabouts, I mumbled, " Youuu betcha. Let's do this."
He wheeled me out to Alyssons car, and I suddenly found myself waving uncontrolably at her as if I hadn't seen her since 2004. She waved back and simply watched and laughed as I basically threw myself into the car. Right as Mr. Tall and Dark closed the door, I rolled down the window and said, "thank yooooou", one last time. Suddenly, I looked down and noticed that as I was thanking him, a mixture of blood and saliva had poured out my mouth and landed on my shirt. Him waving back with a horrid look on his face makes a lot more sense now. Alysson started driving off, and before I could figure out the whole gravity situation, she suddenly screamed, "OH SHOOOOT", then slammed on the brakes. At that moment, I suddenly started to cry. I could feel it --- I was about to die. Thankfully, I was only halfway wrong. My sister must've been distracted by my beauty, or by my blood, because she nearly pulled out infront of the on-coming traffic. Lucky for me, she has good brakes. Don't worry, everyone. I made it back to Aunt Patty's with out a scratch; I simply lost a few years off of my life.
As soon as we arrived back at the Benton Household, I began crawling up the stairs to my new bedroom as my sister stood behind and laughed - I told her I accepted the challenge. Once I finally made it to the bed, I instantly fell asleep. Eight hours later, after waking up and taking meds twice, I woke up to another face standing in my room...my brother. I mumbled, "what are you...OH MY GOSH! I CAN FEEL MY FACE, ALYSSON!" I quickly began grabbing my entire jaw, which was a no-no. She reached for my hands as if I were a little toddler who was trying to touch the hot eye on the stove, then pushed them away from my face. Tylers face suddenly dropped, almost like the guy from the Oral Surgeons office who excorted me to the car. Rememebering why his face looked like that, I quickly looked down and realized that unwanted things were dripping from my mouth, yet again. Alysson quickly got me some tea bags and shoved them into my mouth. Let me just tell you...these were supposed to stay in my mouth for fifteen minutes. I couldn't keep them in for seven - THEY MADE MY GUMS FEEL LIKE THEY WERE ON FIRE!
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| I produced my own tea in my mouth that day...It needed a little more sugar and a little less blood. |
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| Katy Perry + Liquid Loritab = A complete mess. I was so excited that day about how huge my muscles were...like I said, a complete mess. |
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| This was the first of many dental visits... What happened during this particular visit was something similar to the actual wisdom teeth removal. The only difference being that I was awake during this one. |
I hope everyone is having an incredible summer so far! Make the best of it - it passes by ever so quickly! Oh yeah, and dont forget the three cardinal rules: 1) Wear sunscreen. 2)Keep your Ta-Tas and Pikachu covered. 3) EAT LOADS OF ICE CREAM - I hear it cures cancer or something...okay, maybe I made that up.
See you on the flip-side!
Love always,
Haley
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