Dear Future Employer, Here's a Few Things You'll Need to Know

"If you wanna be my one and only all my life..."

As you can tell, I have far too much time on my hands. 

BUT HELLO THERE AGAIN BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE! I'm sure you all remember that positive little blog I posted a week or so about about the wonderful world of job searching, and by wonderful I mean extremely infuriating. I know, I know, that's in the past and Jo Dee Messina taught younger me to never look back, which she demonstrated by tearing off her rearview mirror. Yes, it stuck with me all these years, and if you don't remember her from the 90s, well, you missed out on a good time and the source of my spicy-ness. I want you to picture four year old Haley in pink cow boy boots singing about love and heartache before even knowing what that meant. Yeah, you are quite welcome for that image. But this isn't me looking back in my rearview mirror...this is much more than that.

Anyways, jobs. Yes, why do I need one of those again? Oh, right...so that I can afford life...and something more than peanut butter and jelly. Here's the thing about that though: I think the peanut butter and jelly life has chosen me, and I can't just deny it, you know? THAT would be incredibly rude. But between you and I, that pizza life is starting to call my name.

I say that because this whole be an adult thing has been absolutely terrible. Worse than that video of Mariah Carey singing "All I Want For Christmas Is You"...and if you haven't seen it yes, let me go ahead and change your life. https://youtu.be/gGTnzpsxKKU

Lately I have been applying for jobs all over the city of Tuscaloosa. I mean if the business owners of Tuscaloosa don't know me by now, well, then there's no hope. I've even thought about going to each business and simply saying:

Last week, I decided I was going to introduce myself to a potential employer, and not by announcing my financial status, well, not immediately at least. Here's how I thought that conversation was going to go:

Me: "Hello! My name is Haley Moody! I called you a few times before Christmas to ask about another job!"

HR Person: "OH HALEY! I am so glad to finally meet you. And I'm so glad that you applied for this position. The last one, well, you were overqualified for it. I just couldn't put you in such a position with you level of enthusiasm and creativity. But this one has benefits and fits you PERFECTLY! Can you start Monday?"

So, with this thought in my head, I walked inside the building feeling like I was someone who was meant to do something incredible. I felt like I could handle this meet and greet. I had a little Leslie Knope running through my veins:

As I walked in, the guy at the front desk, who had long hair and looked like he physically wanted to murder me for interrupting his thought process, asked me what I needed. The thing is, I totally understood his hatred for me. When I was working at the action card office, it would be completely silent for hours, nothing but the sound of my co-worker's jazz music and the clicking of her long nails against the keyboard as she placed her bids on Ebay. Just as soon as I brought out my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, every freshman and hungover senior would come in and tell me all about how they lost their card, full on story about going out on the town with their BFF Rose and how they just have no idea where they put it. My face:

Cool story, bro.

Anywho, I chatted with long hair, don't care guy for a moment and I saw a little spark light up in his eyes...yes, we connected...and not just because his hair was beautiful and could've been on a Pantene commercial. So as he took my application, he asked if I wanted to actually meet the lady in charge.

This was my CHANCE to blow her away with my bubbly personality! So without stuttering, I said, "oh please, oh please! I just want to say hello and introduce myself. Plus I'm wearing my lucky cardigan so I might as well let it work its magic." He smiled before calling her and then telling me where her office was. "You can go on up! She will be expecting you."

As I slowly went upstairs - don't judge me! There were a ton of stairs, so I had to pause at the top and catch my breath... I HAVE NO SHAME IN MY UNATHLETIC BODY - I saw that there were at least 27 offices, none of which had signs indicating who hung out in which one. I'm sure I looked like a lost puppy because I finally heard a voice, which was a lady who spoke in a whisper and had an accent, ask me, "can I help you?" I explained to her that I wanted to meet the lady in charge so I could give her my application. Before I finished my sentence, she quickly snatched my papers and said, "NO NO. She is busy. I'll take it and give it to her myself." I stood there in shock. I just want to show you all how quickly the joy left my body:

I quickly snapped myself out of feeling defeated and said, "actually, do you mind if I bring it to her? I wanted to introduce myself."

At this time, another man came a-running up the steps, moving past me and asking the lady behind the counter what was going on...almost like he was running to put out a dadgum fire or something. Nope. Just me standing there having a small chat about life. Clearly he'd watched too many Gerard Butler movies...but I cannot blame him:

His words: "THIS IS THE LIBRARRRRYYYYYYY"

She let him know why I was here and he grabbed my application from the other ladies hands. So, let's tally this up, shall we? My application, resume and cover letter had been in the hands of three strangers in a matter of two or three minutes...aaaaaaaand none of them had actually looked at it. Hmm. He quickly said, "I'm just going to sign off on it because she's very busy." I moved my eyes around kind of quickly...there wasn't a soul around but us. No one was asking for help. No one was calling on the phone. Nothing. It was actually so silent that I felt like I needed to start rambling...you know, to fill the air. I have realized that I'm an impulsive talker and I am not proud of that. BUT ACTUALLY, three other employees had just left to go home, so clearly the place was bumpin. 

I felt like I was trying to bust in the White House. Actually, that may have been easier at this point...at least Channing Tatum made it seem like a walk in the park during that movie, but anyone with a brain would let Channing in their home. 

Oh hey girl!
After I finish washing your car, do you want to do yoga together?
Then I can rub your feet while you tell me everything you pinned today.

I finally stepped forward and explained that she was quite possibly expecting me. "I'd really like to introduce myself if she isn't busy. I completely understand if she is though, but the guy downstairs called up here and told me that she would be expecting me." He turned away from me while saying, "well, I'll go see, but don't get your hopes up." Don't worry, homie. Those have already floated past the clouds by now.

Goodbye hopes and dreams.
It's been real

The lady finally came out of her little hole just as I was about to give up on the whole shebang. She was holding my resume and flipped through it as she walked towards me. I introduced myself and explained that I just wanted to meet her since I've chatted with her on the phone a few times. Here was the awkward part. She just looked down at the papers. Never looked at me. Never said anything to me really except that she was glad to put a name with a face, WHICH WAS WHAT I WANTED, but she never looked at me. She. Never. Looked. At. Me, so how could she have put a name with a face? She stood there awkwardly staring at my papers after I finished talking. She looked at them like they were a bomb seconds away from ending her highly productive life that CLEARLY needs to be protected by THREE PEOPLE. Bless. 

Honestly, I think I blacked out because I have no idea what happened after that. I think I curtsied? Oh gosh, I did. Oh bologna.

The sad part is, I just tried to curtsy and I cannot.
So I am an impulsive talker and curstier...awesome.

BUT this whole becoming an adult thing isn't really going as planned. Actually, I've cried far too much about it. I've called my brother Justin crying and let me tell you...I do NOT call him when I am going through an emotional crisis. Justin is very much like my dad. Well, except that one time when I didn't make the cheerleading squad in middle school and I thought the world was going to end. Seriously. I was an emotional rollercoaster that only went down, my friend...ahaha, yes, that was a riff of The Fault in Our Stars. But my family kind of just avoided me and my waterfall of emotions in fear of drowning. Then my father called me in his room and told me to sit on his bed. It was one of those awkwardly quiet experiences that lasted for what felt like forever....and then my father said, "Is this important to you?" I nodded, eyes swollen, snot all over my face...just all over the whole darn thing. He then looked at me and said, "well, we are gonna sign you up to practice and figure out what you need to do better. Next year, you are gonna go in there and kick ass." He was the definition of perfect, right? JUST FYI TO ALL MEN, YOU HAVE TO LIVE UP TO THAT. GOOD LUCK. 

Well, here is a snit bit of Justin: "Well, I don't think you are prepared for an interview or anything like that anyways." COOL, JUSTIN. JUST THE LITTLE BIT OF SUNSHINE I NEEDED IN MY LIFE. But as Justin and Tyler like to describe me, I AM the emotional one of the siblings...whatever that means, but just to keep my wonderful title, I made sure to call both of them while crying this past week or two..you know, just spreading my joy. But I think I've brought the emotional side out of Justin because he's called me almost every day to check on me. Like I said on the last post, I really think I have the power to change the world. 

But so many people are telling me to get these minimum wage jobs at fast food places first. I don't know if I am crazy, but I just thought, "hey, I got a pretty little degree - well, it's coming in the mail, I assume - so I should start by applying for the serious stuff that can offer me dental and health. If those don't work out, sure I will get a job asking "soo do you want that to be a grande?" I've worried so much about the thought process of everyone. Worried about what everyone would think of me, a college graduate working a minimum wage job, surviving on nothing but noodles and air. But none of that should matter. What matters most is that I find somewhere to be happy. 

I have decided that a job is very much like a significant other. You don't want to settle for one when you know that you deserve better. You want to land Mister Right, or in my Disney-invested mind, Prince Charming! So in other words, I'm not going to give up trying to get these other companies to see me! BUT IF I HAVE TO GET A JOB AT SOME CRAPPY PLACE, WELL HEY, I AM ACTUALLY OKAY WITH IT. AND I AM GOING TO BE PROUD AND KNOW THAT I CAN WORK FOR SOMETHING GREATER...AND I WILL ENJOY THE DISCOUNTS THAT COME WITH BEING A STARBUCKS EMPLOYEE IF IT COMES TO THAT! 

Freshman year, one of my roommates and I were both going through the whole Pre-Dental shindig, and by going through it I mean we were actually falling apart. We went to the meetings. Shook hands with all the important people. Pretended like our families were financially able to send us through dental school. Left crying, which led to one conversation that I'll never forget. She said, "I wish my parents hadn't ever told me that I can be anything I want to be, because I can't." That day I agreed with her about myself. I didn't know where I belonged in the world...and I felt like the only thing I could do right was singing Taylor Swift songs in the shower. And even then, my roommates enjoyed telling me that I was completely off-key.

But wait! I am 22 years old. If I live to be 55 or 56 like my parents, well, that gives me 30-ish more years to be anything I want to be....and that may include moving somewhere unfamiliar...taking on new experiences...but most importantly, being a girl that keeps fighting. Right now is just the beginning of it all. And it's just the beginning of it all for all of us. Ask anyone - they don't start off doing everything they ever wanted. That same day, after talking to my roommate about how we were fooled into thinking we could follow our dreams, my mom called and asked how the meeting went. This was one of my last phone calls with my mom and probably one of the best. She said, "Haley, this is all part of the process. These people are trying to weed out the weaklings...the ones who don't want to fight for their dreams. If this is what you want, then fight for it."

So kind of like that guy from earlier, I am gonna pull a Gerard Butler and FIGHT FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN! In the wise words of King Leonidas, "NO MERCY!"

So this is my way of saying, follow your dreams and your heart. There will be bumps in the road, but hey, that makes for a more exciting story to tell your children and grandchildren.

With all the love in my heart,
Haley

OH, and speaking of applications, I am now accepting applications for dedicated lovers of The Maine. I am looking for one special individual who would like to happily join me in seeing them at the beginning of March in Birmingham. I'm a jolly good time and on the verge of being a certified obsessed lover of John O'Callaghan. Yes, I recently made a Twitter just so I could follow them on their journey across America, and yes, I know that's stalker-ish. Also, if you have to look up John O'Callaghan, I think we both know what I'm about to say 😐. For those who are interested, I would love to meet with you...and probably listen to the acoustic version of "Into Your Arms" about 6 or 7 times, so prepare yourself.

Yeap, my heart just exploded. 

Got A Feeling That I'm Going Under, But I Know That I'll Make It Out Alive

Hello there lovelies,

As most of you know, I officially became a college graduate in December!

As you can tell, I was super emotional about graduating.
It just broke my heart to pieces. 

If you didn't make your hat Rapunzel themed,
did you even graduate?
No, the answer is no.

And look at all the beautiful people who came to celebrate with me!

This photo still very much reminds me of what people do when taking a photo with a pregnant woman...
Hmm...

I JUST REALIZED THAT WE ARE LIKE THE OLD CINGULAR COMMERCIALS!
"Raising the Bar."

I am still concerned that I was adopted.
Do you guys think we look alike?
THERE'S SOMETHING THEY'RE NOT TELLING ME!

But since that ole faithful and joyous day, I think I can safely say that I have been expressing nothing but frustration and anxiety towards graduating. 

Here's how I expected life after graduation. Much like people plan their weddings and bachelorette parties, I planned my life after surviving college:

Get a good GPA ✔️

Graduate with Honors ✔️

Get a rocking body before walking across the stage - Ima give myself a half of a check on that one

Decorate my cap to show how dedicated I am to Disney ✔️

Make a few new friends before the semester ended  ✔️

Cry only every OTHER night during finals week ✔️

Take a cute photo of me throwing my cap ✔️

Catch a T-shirt at the football game - I ALMOST HAD IT AND A GIRL SNATCHED IT FROM ME

Work on my whole sleeping routine - I have given up on this one

Work on finding myself instead of getting lost in others ✔️

Get a great job

Ahh, the job search. I expected to have a decent job after graduation. One where I would wake up and drink a cup of coffee, throw on a pencil skirt and a pair of black pumps after brushing and teasing my hair. One where my opinions matter, oh, and I get dental and health insurance. And one where I can make enough money to afford more than peanut butter and jelly for each and every meal. Don't get me wrong, I love peanut butter! I actually think my love for it has turned into an obsession. But I also love Taylor Swift, and just because I love her doesn't mean I need to listen to her every minute of my life. If I did that then my love for her would turn into frustration and then I would end up screaming every single time any of her songs would come on the radio...and that just sounds like a horrible way to live, right?

Well lately I have been doing nothing but waking up, drinking my coffee and watching movies on Netflix, officially putting on human clothes after lunch. After searching the world wide web for jobs that don't consist of me asking the question, "would you like fries with that," I go to Crossfit. I don't really have any excuses for missing, right? Then I come home and watch more Netflix, except this time, I bring the party to the tub, muahaa. So after watching a whole season of New Girl and turning pruny, this is the rollercoaster of emotions that usually follow:

 After letting all of my tears wash down the drain, I usually sit on balcony and stare at the stars. I feel so small when I stare at them and I start thinking about what else is out there and if anyone else on the planet is doing the same thing. Ahhh, I feel like I can just stare at them for days and days and days. Actually, I usually forget to blink, so yeah, it gets intense. I feel like the stars have such a wonderful life; they know exactly what they are supposed to do in this world. They often twinkle, and sometimes when one feels extra froggy, it shoots across the sky, granting some sad soul a wish. So essentially, they have the power to change the world. That's all I really want to do - change someones life, and someday maybe even change the world. But here's the catch: none of the places I've applied to will give me the time of day. So lately, my nights have been like this:

I feel like I have so much to offer the world, but when I look back and think about my 4.5 years of school, I don't really know what I took from it all. Is that terrible to say? Yes, I learned APA style and how to correctly format a newspaper article. I learned how twisted Shakespeare was and how he may or may not have been interested in men. I learned the basics of German, just enough to where I could order strawberries and orange juice for breakfast. I learned that Victorian women were essentially property of men, and I learned that "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost may possibly be a depressing poem, which is kind of like a slap in the face because it was read at my high school graduation, BUT IT'S COOL. I learned the ins and outs of communicating through social media, and the importance of truly understanding the english language, even though my teacher for this class was from Taiwan and loved making us all feel like insignificant human beings. I learned that each and every persons idea of creativity is different, and when in a class with 15 other creative writers, it's so easy to compare yourself and think that your work is insignificant. I learned all about the tongue and the role it plays in the way that we speak. I learned that we all are afraid of saying what's on our hearts and putting it out there for the world to see. But most importantly, I learned about myself. I learned that I am quirky and I stick out like a sore thumb when surrounded by others, that I love meeting new people even though it scares me, that I am weird and zany and love/hate sharing the things I write. I learned that I truly can do anything, including talking in front of people, with the help of coffee and pep talks from my friends.

But why does it feel like I'm not prepared for the adult world?

Last night, after 16 hours of applying for jobs and wondering why on God's green earth didn't I earn a degree in nursing or teaching, I sat in my bed and stared at the ceiling, seriously considering selling my body parts on the Black Market. I looked down and saw this Birthday Dictionary book called "365 Birthdays Interpreted." I bought it a year ago before going to see my friend in Auburn. It's all about astrology, which is something that I flip to first in magazines and try so hard to believe in, except Cosmo said I was going to have only THREE sexy days this month. THAT'S FOR THE SLAP IN THE FACE, COSMO. I'LL BE SURE TO STAY HOME THIS MONTH. But the book breaks down your birthday and how that affects your character, life path, and love. Oh, and it tells you about the important people you share your birthday with and something cool that happened on that day, but those really aren't as important. After looking up all of my friends birthdays, I finally flipped back to my own. This, my friends, is why I love these things so so so much:

Character - Strong-willed and individual, you can be argumentative and challenging. You have many different ideas about what you want to do with your life and can travel in many different directions all at the same time, making others feel that you are chasing your tail. You will ever have a conventional life and may have two seemingly opposing interests or jobs.

After reading this, I sat there in silence for about 6 or 7 seconds and then finally stood up on my bed and started doing this:

THIS IS THE BEST PIECE OF PERFECTION THAT I HAVE EVER READ AND EVERYTHING WONDERFUL THAT I DESPERATELY NEEDED TO READ AT THIS DREADFULLY LOW POINT IN MY LIFE!

I'm having such a hard time committing to the conventional ways of life because I am everything but that. I mean, I have dandelions on my bed sheets and mermaids in my head for goodness sake! And I finally realized the other day that I was losing my mind when I started thinking, "maybe I will fall in love soon and get married before next year....yeah, that will make me feel like my life is moving forward." It took me all of two minutes to snap to my senses and finally scream:

Just because you don't perfectly fit the criteria set for you by society, or an employer, doesn't mean that you're worthless or that your 4.5 years spent working your hind parts off so that you could have the words "cum laude" announced when you walked across the stage went to waste. NO. You are an individual. YOU are going to do great things in this world, and YOU have the power to change it all and make it better. I know the world keeps telling you that your degree is essentially worthless these days unless you do something medical, or teaching, or engineering or in law, but guess what? The world still needs people in all other areas. The world still needs us, the people who pick up dandelions on the side of the road and blow them, hoping for a miracle or for a better moment in this hectic life. The people who sit outside for hours hoping and praying that a shooting star will pass by so that we can make a wish and make it all better. The people who are passionate about so many things in life, so passionate that it's hard to put our finger on one thing. The people who get up early and help others and stay out late doing the same thing, just so that someone else's life can be easier. Better. Happier. The world needs all of us. With this struggle I realized how thankful I will be just to have a job in the future, because it's been four years since I've sat in this position, wearing my pajamas all day, wondering if my whole life is a mistake.

During these past few weeks, I've spent a significant amount of time reading books and watching movies. With this, I have actually learned a lot of wonderful things. First that eating popcorn in the bed is a seriously bad idea, and second that while movies are pleasing and allow you to not think for a little while, they also have a lot of nuggets of wisdom to instill in us all. Here are my favorites:

For job searching: "Struggle and strife come before success - even in the dictionary." - Post Grad 

For those moments in life when you're suffering: “So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.” - Perks of Being a Wallflower

For heartache: "Why is it that we want the ones that don't see us, instead of the ones that do?" -You're Not You

For love: "He looks at me like he's the spoon, and I'm this dish of ice cream." - The Jane Austin Book Club

FOR EVERYTHING (insert whatever is needed in place of writer): "A writer is the sum of his experiences. Go get some." - Stuck in Love

This is your fantastic life. Don't be limited to what people offer you. You may have to get out of your comfort zone, away from your friends and family and really trust that God has a plan for you. He does. The most beautiful things come to those who wait...but in my opinion, it comes to those who fight for it. In the wise words of Nick Miller:

Love always,

Haley

"I thought that I'd been hurt before
But no one's ever left me quite this sore
Your words cut deeper than a knife
Now I need someone to breathe me back to life"

Stitches - Shawn Mendes