The Stars Smiled Down On Me

Happy New Years Eve!

Due to this being the final day of 2014, I felt the need to do a lot of reflecting. Scary, right? Looking back on a year can come with a lot of anxiety and the realization that you didn't achieve everything that you should have, or really wanted to, in 365 days. Literally, the weight-loss thing has gone down the tubes for three straight years now...okay, FINE - almost 22 years, but who is really counting? Unfortunately it has been placed back on resolution list for next year...so we will probably be discussing this again in 365 more days...GREAT! But I have this handy dandy book by Demi Lovato. It's called Staying Strong and has these cute little daily quotes and her personal responses about strength, forgiving people and multiple other things that I need to be told so that I don't stab others and/or cry myself to sleep every single night. And I feel like I actually have to listen to her even though we all know that I am not a good listener. For example, "Haley, don't touch the stove...it's hot." 22 years later, I still feel like I'm trying to prove a point and show the world that I AM STRONG...even though I no longer have senses in my fingers. "Haley, you should try to look cuter or you will never find a husband." T-shirts and sweaters, all day everyday. I mean, who really wants a ton of gorgeous men to chase after them? Because then I'd have to choose the cutest and then hurt others feelings...I just don't know how those people on the Bachelor and Bachelorette do it. "Haley, you aren't very athletic. You should probably give that dream up." Whatever to that - NOW I HAVE A COOL SCAR! But like I said, I fully listen to everything Demi says. I mean look at her:

I am pretty sure she will beat my little hiney while singing,
"I REALLY DON'T CARE!"

Well I was up late last night/this morning reflecting on the year that I had. Like guys, what the french toast have I been doing? Not even just last year, but the year before and the year before and the year before? I can't remember many great moments...like really great moments, you know? I sat on my bed with my pen and paper doing everything that I could to remember. I know, I know...I quit reflecting around three after a long cry and a whole bag of chocolate...starting off strong on the weight-loss thing, right? Haha! Have you ever looked back and felt like everything was just a blur? I mean, it didn't even feel like a happy blur. Look at me! Just looking back on it resulted in a pile of tears and empty chocolate wrappers! But Demi told me to reflect, and so I did. Before we jump into my reflections, I really really really recommend that you do the same. So grab a cute pen and a nice piece of paper and really reflect. Remember: This is all about your accomplishments. Leave that other crap out and allow it to be part of the blur.

1: Survived a few months without my car due to a deer who must've been placed on dare or something.

2. Healed like a champ after tearing my ACL - eat that, dang hills of Alabama.

3. Marked Vegas off of my bucket list!

4. Became an ambassador for the UA Career Center.

5. Was hired to be a Swim Instructor for the UA Aquatic Center.

6. I MADE SOME NEW FRIENDS!!!

7. Finally joined a club and actually attended the meetings for it. Die Deutschen sind Spaß!

8. Put myself out there and began writing for a newspaper...even though I discovered I hated it.

9. Worked, and am still working, on my relationship with God.

10. Did my very best not to give up on exercising...buuuuuuut, I can totally do better.

11. Realized that I am not a dadgum door mat, which means I worked on standing up for myself and expressing my feelings. THANK GOODNESS!

12. Tried my best to really study this year! Moved my GPA up by .017 points!

13. Worked hard trying to reach out to old friends when I needed them instead of feeling like my problems and issues were a burden. Thanks for always being there, beautiful people.

14. Practiced worrying less and trusting in God more. Which forced me to realize that I cannot control everything...ugh!

15. Actually took time off from work for myself...and not just to grace every doctor at Urgent Care with my presence and stopped-up nose.

16. Conquered my fear of flying!

17. Got a little closer in conquering my fear of needles and doctors.

17. Visited my friend Haley in Texas and fell in love with the whole dadgum state. 

18. Gained 1,000 pounds after my surgery. I mean, that is an accomplishment in itself.

19. Read a few books before watching their corresponding movies.

20. Learned a little about sewing...with the desire to learn more, thankfully.

21. Went to my very first bar and tried a Yellowhammer!

22. Practiced the whole staying strong thing...everyday.

With all that being said, I know that I have a lot that I want to make happen in the new year. I want to get out of this blur of days I have apparently been stuck in for quite sometime now. I think there is some country song about life being a blur. OH YEA, Carrie Underwood. She sings it perfectly, "I don't wanna' spend my life jaded, waiting, to wake up one day and find, that I've let all these years go by, Wasted." Although I just realized that I have been singing most of those lyrics wrong, she is so incredibly right. I am tired of saying every single year, "MAN, I want to do something great this year. I want to get out of this terrible place that I am currently in and find happiness and find everything that life and God are wanting me find and be and do and experience!" It's like something that I actually learned in Shakespeare after reading Hamlet - Actions without words makes you a coward...and cowardice and Haley don't really have a ring to it, do they? Not. A. Lick. We build up each and every year with expectations that we cannot afford and know we can't reach. Like seriously, why on God's green earth did I think that losing 50 pounds in 2014 was reachable? Oh, and travelling to Germany....ahahhahaa...I'm apparently just really adorable...and like my older brother Justin likes to say, I am a dreamer. I am not saying that our dreams can't be reached, because I know they can be, but we actually have to remember that we are all humans. Losing 50 pounds would require me eating only one almond a day for 365 days, and I love chocolate too much. We pretty much rely on one another. And traveling to Germany would require money...and a passport. I have neither. But what I do have is a hopeful soul and the realization that I can make anything come true if only I continue to dream and believe. And that is what I want you all to believe. 2014 may have kicked you where the sun doesn't prefer to shine, or it may have been an amazing year for you. Either way, that doesn't mean that it can't get better or that you should place your dreams in a jar and lock them away. Because guess what? They can come true. I mean, I dream about being a mermaid, and we all know that I will make that one happen. It is just still in the works! Don't let dark souls take any of that away from you...especially not your dreams. There is a saying that there is one thing that no one can take your education away from you. Well, in addition to that, no one can take away your dreams...not even that little bugger in the back of your mind telling you that you cannot reach them. 

Coming from the writer inside of me, it is time to write your own book. Everything is blank and waiting for you to create each page full of life and color and experiences. Write it just how you want it and just how you want to remember it...and how you want to read it back to your children and grandchildren in a couple of years. Most importantly, make it full of great memories that couldn't possibly ever turn into blurs of tears and sadness. Pen and paper, ready? Get to writing.

Goodbye 2014 and Hello 2015!

With all the love in my heart, 

Haley

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne."

"I was a little girl 

Alone in my little world 
Who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, 
And fed my houseguests bark and leaves, 
And laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly 
From the highest swing.
I had a dream."

Priscilla Ahn - Dream