Love, Your Baby Girl

Still winning awards even when he was sick as a dog!

Hello there!

Today is a very special day! YES! You got it - it's my dads 60th birthday! I know exactly what my dads thinking, "What? You're not going to make me another CD, Haley?" (Sorry dad - that's only for the people who are over the hill...you're over the hill and through the woods. Don't worry - you still have a few years until it's grandmothers house you go. aha! ) For that reason, I wanted to share with  everyone the words that I wasn't strong enough to speak at his funeral...and then some other things that I just felt like adding in. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

As you all know, we have been cleaning out the remainder of our house for the past few months. While doing so, I uncover things about my parents that I've never known, and it probably would have been better for my mental stability if it stayed that way. First thing, I found a photo of my father at his bachelor party with a BELLY DANCER doing her "sexy dance" right in front of his face! I guess the only thing to say to that disturbing picture is...way to go, dad! After placing that massive photo album back on the shelf, my eyes traveled to a colorful book that displayed the words "Senior Memories" on the front. I reached for the book thinking, "I bet my dad forgot to write anything in his senior memories book." Boy, was I wrong. Every single signature page was covered by none other than girls! Every single one of them said how "sweet" he was, except for this one girl whose name was Debbie. "Debbie" wrote a cute little message stating that my father was crazy...as in like "booooy, you soo crazzzyy." Man, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall of that night. Anyways, I do wish that I could've known more about these things prior to his departure. I wish I would've asked more questions about his life, such as "HOW ON EARTH DID YOU GET A DEGREE IN BIOLOGY WITHOUT LOSING YOUR MIND?!" There is one thing that I found out from my Aunt Patty: how my parents met. Well, the location of this first "eye-lock" was in the hospital...but it wasn't just a normal day at work. My mother was driving to my Uncle James' wedding when she began to feel a tickle on her leg. While trying to remove the object from her leg, she lost focus on the road and, well, long story short - she broke her nose in a car accident. After finishing her duty as a bridesmaid at my uncle's wedding, she ended up in the hospital having to have surgery on her nose...and BUMP-PA-DA-DA...my father was the lucky man who put her to sleep before her surgery! How incredibly cute is that?! I mean...I wouldn't really want to meet the man of my dreams with a broken nose...but everything worked out for the best! Anyways, one year later, these two cuties were out throwing coins into a wishing well when my father handed my mom a ring and said, "you may want to look at that one before you throw it." And that, ladies and gentlemen, is actually how my dad proposed to my mother. This was just a little background information before the big show.

Since I was a young dumpling, I have always classified myself as my daddy's little girl - I am almost certain that was on my birth certificate and everything. This was mostly because I wanted to do everything my dad did. Every single night and Saturday morning, we would sit on the couch, most likely decked out in our Spongebob jammies (or in his case, Spongebob undies), watching that particular sponge and his best friend, Patrick - he was our favorite. We would do just that until my mother said, "I don't know if I can handle this show any longer." Then, we resorted to other activities. My absolute favorite nights were the ones when we would go out into our sunroom, turn on the stars (Christmas lights) and slow dance to the songs that never fail at making me cry these days. We would go out there and laugh about how we were going to be doing this in a few years down the road when I finally decided to settle down...I was seven at the time. I also remember just laughing because I suddenly realized that I inherited my two left feet from him. He would continuously hum the tune that would already be playing through the speakers...and even though the speakers would be blaring, all I could hear was his voice. That would continue until my mom came out and told me to get ready for bed...which led to another problem...sleeping. Ever since I was a young girl, I would have the worst problems trying to close my eyes and sleep...it was just so BORING! One of my favorite memories was when I was in the sixth grade; I started having really bad anxiety at night and it continued to get worse. One night, I quietly snuck out of my bed and slipped out of my bedroom without waking my sister. After sitting on the couch and watching exercising shows for two hours, my father slowly walked through the living room to see where the light was coming from. Before speaking to me, he stared at the television, then back at me, as if I were sitting there watching an R rated movie. He then proceeded to ask me why I was up so late while walking to kitchen and grabbing a jug out of the fridge. I told him about all of my anxiety problems as he continued to pour the fluids into a cup and placing it in the microwave. Before I could think, he handed me the warm glass and told me to drink up. I looked down and realized that he had handed me a glass of warm milk...as if I was a hungry baby. I wasn't really all about it until I looked up at his face. After giving me the "look", he watched me quickly chug the drink then followed me to my room. I slid between my sheets and listened to him tell me to count sheep. Suddenly, I felt the bed move and it jarred my image of the fluffy, jumping sheep. My dad layed right next to me that night until I fell asleep. But that wasn't the end of my horrific sleeping problems. The only difference was that I decided to come sleep next to him for the next few years. Since we are being honest, I slept right next to him until my freshman year in high school...unless he started snoring. On those particular nights, I just stayed in my room and annoyed my sister.

That same year, my fathers sickness began to worsen and my mother started working the graveyard shift at the hospital to help pay some of the bills. My dad knew exactly who to ask to be his snuggle buddy at night - his little girl. There is one night that will forever be burnt in my memory. My dad and I were both sitting on his big ole fluffy bed searching through the tv, most likely looking for Spongebob. He ended up leaving it on a channel where a band was performing live. Instead of actually watching it, we sat there and talked about life. He started by telling me he wasn't happy with how my friends were treating me or how a particular boy treated me...but he said that about every single boy that ever tried to be in my life. (I finally started upgrading my taste in men...ahaha, you're welcome. I started making it manditory for the guys that I was interested in to have similar characteristics as you. Also, about the whole "friends" thing...I struggled at first, but now I have some of the most amazing friends - I wish you could've met some of them). Anyways, I remember the exact words that my dad said to me right after we finished our previous conversation. "Haley, I want you to know that no matter what happens to me, I will always be right there with you, okay?" I slowly nodded...worrying about what was going to come out of his mouth next. He responded by saying, "Good...but we don't have to worry about that because I am not going anywhere until I am atleast 73...atleast." A few short weeks later, I remember that my father started getting sicker and sicker, and I watched nurses come in and give him some kind of meds, look at him like it would be the last time, then slowly left. One day, a lady from Hospice was giving him something to decrease the pain he was having...that day was the very first day I saw the strongest man in my world cry. I completely lost it - (I promise I will be the worst person to invite into your house if you need someone strong. Don't get me wrong, I will totally be there, but not all that strong.) - as I began to run out of the room, all I could hear in the background was my fathers faint voice saying, "Carmen (my godmother), go tell her I am fine...tell her that I'm not dying." Wshoo...good thing no one tell stories anymore! ;)

A few weeks passed - they were all a blur of ambulances, hospital visits, and me privately being an emotional wreck. I remember talking to one of my guy friends about how his grandmother who was really sick. He began by telling me that she was given the nicest and biggest hospital room because she was so sick. By the next time I was able to talk to him, she had already passed away. My father began having to stay over night at the hospital because of his G.I. bleed, which was absolutely the worst experience of my young life. { --- One day, he completely passed out and began producing more blood than I knew he even had in his body. After my brother called the ambulance, I continued by having a freak-out moment. Once the paramedics arrived, which were some of the scrawniest men I have ever seen in my life, they began by picking my father up and placing him on a stretcher. I can promise you...that was the most interesting site of my life - they were just literally that tiny! They placed him in the back of the ambulance and rushed him off to the land of needles. Later on, he told me that that particular ambulance ride was one of the most exhilarating experiences of his life - he said he thought to himself, "I may die tonight, but I've never felt more alive"...and he began to smile. ahahaha - I love him. Anyways, once he finally got to the hospital, we sat in the chapel for what felt like HOURS, then we were able to see him once they moved him to intensive care. After a quick moment of seeing his face, the nurses shuffled us out. I pretended like I was going to walk out of the room until everyone before me had already left. I paused, turned around and slowly walked up to my father and whispered, "Daddy, I love you, but if you ever do that to me again...I am going to be really upset." Then, being the little angel that I am, I unfolded my Hannah Montana blanket, which is in my dorm room still to this day, laid it across his body, quickly blew him a kiss, then headed out the door ---} Once again, my daddy knew exactly who to call when he needed a late night buddy. So, I quickly packed my things, including the cellphone that he knew nothing about, and went to the hospital. As I entered his room...I realized that it was the biggest hospital room I had ever seen. There were two beds, and it was literally twice the size of the room that I had at home. Suddenly, I remembered everything my guy friend told me about his grandmother. I tried to pretend like it was just a coincidence and sat on his bed with him as we began to watch every movie known to man-kind...it was wonderful. We would often drift off during the really boring ones, and I would wake up hearing him in pain - I will never forget those noises, but more importantly...I will never forget his laugh. After he was given his nightly meds, I crawled into the second bed, turned my ipod to "Hallelujah" by Kate Voegele, then began crying my little eyes out until I fell asleep.

Ready for the big show? As a present to my daddy, other than this, I made a pretty important decision today. A few days ago, I attended a Pre-Health meeting with my roommate, Maggie. During that meeting, they discussed how they were going to have a Bone Marrow Drive on the 22 of March. For some odd reason, that really stuck in my mind. They began telling us the process of donating your bone marrow: First - you have to send a mouth swab in. Then, they contact you and let you know whether or not you have a match. If so, you will then have blood work taken then you go in for surgery where you have your bone marrow removed! Today, I walked inside the Ferg and signed up to be a bone marrow donor. I did this because when they were discussing the process in the meeting, they said it could save a life. I thought it was so funny how it was on my daddy's birthday, so I took it as a sign. I wanted more than anything for something to have saved my daddy's life...so, Happy Birthday, Daddy. In honor of you...I may be saving someone else's. :)

 

This is the only video I have where I can actually hear his voice. Isn't he a cutie?

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I hope this didn't upset anyone...I promise, it was meant to be a happy message! :) Go do something adventurous today...please? Pinky promise? Thank you. :)

"Don't forget how lucky we are to be alive. Take advantage of every day. There might not be a tomorrow." - John O' Callaghan, The Maine

Love always,

Haley

"You're beautiful baby from the outside in

Chase your dreams but always know the road 

That'll lead you home again 

Go on, take on this whole world

But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl."

My Little Girl - Tim McGraw